all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Randomize
