Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
