I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
