is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
