I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
