Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
