i permit you to call me
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i was born a porn star she said
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
