Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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