saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
