The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
