halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
