Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
