Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Houston, we have a squirter
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
