i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
