I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
