Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize
