Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
