it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
