hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
