Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
