The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
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