Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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