I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
