great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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