First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
