I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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