I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
