We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
