my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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