Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
A+ Viking dick
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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