i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
