i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
