worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
