I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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