put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
FUCK WHALES
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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