Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
