i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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