apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
