Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
