Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
