you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize
