Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
