no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
