She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You are the jesus of drinking
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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