I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
There's even glitter on my cock...
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