I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
