i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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