he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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