And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
