The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
