i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
