Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
