when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
