I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
