All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
