Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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