You can't motorboat a personality
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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