i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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