I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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